Tag: company]

Trillion Pound Horror Story

Posted on by bobdvb

My brother saw a link I posted about Britain’s Trillion Pound Horror Story from Channel4 and was inspired to Blog about it:

http://blog.hannent.eu/2010/11/holidays-paid-for-by-me.html

I was so concerned when I saw the original video and now I am absolutely flabbergasted that this MP believes we should be using our money (the taxes we pay) to fund holidays for those on benefits. If the old adage is that “a change is as good as a rest”, then these people don’t need a change because they already have a rest. I am sorry if this seems mean, but while my brother hasn’t had a real holiday in nine years and we (my partner and I) have to work long hours for our breaks.

I feel that we cannot continue in the way we have for the past three or more decades, and none of the governing parties are offering anything more than just squeezing everything we have (and didn’t really ask for). And while we are at it, just because the children ask for something doesn’t mean you should give it to them, so if we did ask for the extent of government involvement we shouldn’t have been given it because at the end of the day ‘the people’ are children! The government doesn’t need to tighten budgets it needs to do what any company in serious trouble would do, reduce its scope. If you aren’t successful as a company (we do call it UKPLC!) then you don’t just slim down the budgets, you should downsize!

So, where is the proposal from a serious politician to deal with the national debt and not just the budget deficit?! Where is the proposal to deal with the £4,800,000,000,000 of debt? (count those zeros!) The £77,000 that is on the head of ever man, woman and child in the UK!? I want to see some serious action, no matter what the political difficulty. I was really ashamed of the way the government dealt with Lord Young recently:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-11798366

This is a man who has seen so much and has so much experience, if he says we’ve ‘never had it so good’ then I am inclined to agree. With all the social services, and this massive government debt how could the nation have anything but an easy life. Especially as the minority of the population are actually paying for the majorities lifestyles (watch the Channel4 documentary if you don’t know). The government couldn’t publicly support Lord Young because the media wouldn’t let them, the media wants to pounce on any deviation from the previous message of austerity and drama. Quoting Gary O’Donghue, Political Correspondent for the BBC:

“…his unguarded comments threatened to undermine months of carefully-honed strategy aimed at persuading the public that ministers felt your pain and that we were all in this together.”

So, driven by the journalists, the innocent man was hung out to dry because the government couldn’t admit to the public he was right. The news hounds shape the politics and the politicians are too fearful for their jobs to do what needs doing.

How can we resolve the situation? What can be done to solve the trillion pound horror story and give it an outcome that allows us to sleep well at night!?

Expenses claim memo

Posted on by bobdvb
In light of recent errors of judgment by members of government it has been determined that all staff should be made aware of revised guidance on personal expenses:

1) Staff are not permitted to use company money to pay for accommodation beyond that required directly for business. In order to remove all doubt this includes the paying mortgages with salary. Staff are expected to use their savings or take supplementary employment (subject to approval on the grounds of conflict of interest) to fund their lifestyles.*

2) Manure: by-products of grazing animals may only be purchased with company money where required for normal business operations. No authorisation is required for the purchase of modest quantities of bovine manure for sales staff or support staff.

3) Pornographic videos may not be hired by spouses of employees and be claimed on expenses, only by employees themselves for their own use.

4) Plumbing services may be provided on the company account providing sufficient evidence is provided of the problem before hand and 7 days of notice given of any unexpected work.

5) Employees may employ their relatives only where that relative is paid through the off-shore shell account funds normally reserved for bribery.

6) Bribery will no longer be tolerated, instead the practice will be retitled: external non-declared incentives.

7) Due to previous abuse of the system a maximum number of days of ‘away from home’ subsistence may be claimed in one year. This limit is now set to: 400 days per annum.

8) Staff will be expected to hand all gifts to the finance department for placing on eBay. This includes personal presents for the following events/holidays:
– Birthdays
– Christmas (and other religious festivals)
– Weddings (except for those in junior grades or director grade and above).
Income from the sale of these items will be put towards to executive training and development fund maintained by our contractor: Betfair.com

* Acceptable forms of secondary employment not considered a conflict of interest include but are not limited to:
– intimate massage
– private escort services
– sale and distribution of narcotics
– sale and distribution of videos (especially for pornography or blackmail)
Employment which is considered a conflict of interest with company business includes (but is not limited to):
– Fraud
– Organised religion
– Children’s entertainment
– Murder, arson and/or pillage

Please ensure you follow this guidance in future.

Kind regards,

Finance Department

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Identical photocopier based adverts

Posted on by bobdvb

At the weekend I saw an advert on TV while visiting my mothers which was very familiar and so I sought it out to share. The following is the new advert for Mikado chocolate biscuit sticks:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8kxB3nSTn0

However here is the dutch advert for ‘AA paper’ which is suspiciously identical and predates the Mikado advert on UK television:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zLDTu4QYtI

A shame that the advertising company didn’t check that their advert was original… It seems ‘AA paper’ do know how to make original adverts:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7CfGj406u0

London Black Cabs

Posted on by bobdvb

The London Black Cab, or Hackney Carriage (as they may not always be black) is one of the most iconic symbols of London. This Christmas I was asked by Angeliki’s brother-in-law what company made them (what brand). Oddly enough no one company makes all of them, unlike in cities like Berlin where almost every (yellow) taxi is a Mercedes, the Hackney Carriage is infact a style of vehicle which has been around since the 40s. From Austin, LTI or Metrocab. The most notable thing about the Hackney Carriage is that it has a 25ft turning circle which allows it to turn around in London’s tight streets in one go, I doubt a New York Taxi could achieve such a feat!

London’s Hackney Carrage drivers are the only ones allowed to stop and ply for trade on the streets of London without a booking, so if visiting London only ever hail a black cab otherwise you might not be so safe. The other advantage of a licensed London Cab driver is that he must has passed “The Knowledge”, which is a test which is designed to ensure that the applicant knows every part of London inside and out. They are tested to ensure they can (without the assistance of a map) remember a selection of routes around London and the location of almost any street.

Read more about this fascinating vehicle here:

http://www.lvta.co.uk/history.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hackney_carriage

http://www.lti.co.uk/

 

Introduction to KPI’s

Posted on by bobdvb

The KPI (Key Performance Indicator) is defined as a factor which is critical to the success of our business. As such it should be measured regularly by collecting and analysing reliable internal and external data. This data allows the company to evaluate its performance and subsequently benchmark it against the rest of the industry. Additionally, it makes our achievements directly comparable to those of our competitors.

 

The process of identifying and selecting the appropriate KPI’s for our business is paramount as this is the stage when a formal system for measuring our performance is established. The company’s commitment to measuring and analysing the collated data can lead to business objectives’ realisation and continual improvement. However, the KPI’s are only a business tool for decision making and at no point can it replace the formal strategic planning of the company. 

 

The benefits seized by such a methodology are presented below:

  • KPI’s can be an initiator for directing and driving our business forward through influencing our business processes. The successful management of our business processes can result into an efficient and profitable company as a whole.
  • KPI’s consist a great tool that supports the company’s vision and goals; two of the major “team binders”. It is generally accepted that integrated teams work more efficiently and produce results in shortest time. Time reductions mean less cost and so greater profitability and predictability of performance. 
  • KPI’s can be a mean for driving improvement through comparison. They can reveal the strengths and the weaknesses of a business and prepare the ground for building a competitive advantage. They reinforce our knowledge for the industry by learning from our competitors.
  • KPI’s could drive innovation. This is why a failure to identify meaningful and measurable KPI’s can put our business in danger as we become short sighted, having limited visibility and finally becoming counter-productive.

 

Service rant

Posted on by bobdvb

Last week, I wanted some product info on some silicon, I go to the companies website, and there is nowt on there, just a form to fill out to request more info. So I send that off with a sarcastic remark about hating silicon companies who don't publish basic datasheets. Then that gets a "stuck in the queue" response via email from their server! Then today I get a one line response from someone there:
"But isn't [my company] also producing [technology I am interested in] silicon?" 

Is this customer service?! And it turns out that the initial response is from the company director of technical marketing! My god how has this man survived 20 years in marketing in Silicon Valley?!

I know I'm having a bad day, but really, did I deserve this?!

 Bob

Read on for the full story

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